By: Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman
[Psychologist & Author – New York, NY]
You have done the hard work of losing weight and now you may be turning your attention to date. You may be happy to know that some of the same things that apply to successfully dieting will also apply to successful dating. Here are 7 ways they are similar.
- You Need Discipline and to Prioritize: We all lead busy lives and multitask. You needed to make time while dieting to cook, track your food, exercise etcetera. Well, maybe people don’t realize that it’s good to make time to join dating sites, to schedule events and to try to go on dates.
- It’s a Numbers Game: When trying to lose weight it is calories in, calories out. It’s math, although the process is also emotional. I believe dating is also a numbers game in that often you need to write ten people on a dating site, even to get one response. If you know this and try not to take it personally, you will keep going. The more people you meet, the quicker you will find your match.
- You Have to Love Yourself, First: Losing weight means practicing self-love, creating time for yourself to sleep, eat right and exercise. The most important foundation for dating is self-love as well. You may be rejected but you can’t reject yourself. You need to keep remembering what you have to offer until you meet that person who sees it too.
- It can take some time, without Results: Rarely is there instant success, although I wish that for you. In losing weight there are often set-backs, situational challenges and plateaus. Similarly in dating, you can be doing everything right but will experience dry spells and may feel lonely or frustrated. Keep going and don’t give up. Trust the process. Sometimes it helps to change up your routine a little bit and try a new dating site or event.
- You Can Replace unconscious unhealthy Habits with Conscious Healthy Ones: When you lose weight you may cut down on the sugar and replace it with more fruit and veggies. You may call a friend when you are sad instead of reaching for that gallon of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Similarly, in dating, you may begin to notice your negative self-talk about dating and the opposite sex and begin to replace them with more positive assertions. When you feel low in self-esteem you can work on positive affirmations and encourage yourself to go out anyway. These are just a few examples but my book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ goes more into depth with exercises to help you work on any limiting beliefs, low self-esteem and more.
- It Can Help to have some sort of Supportive Structure At First: Research shows it helps to write down your food when you are trying to lose weight. Similarly, I suggest keeping a journal while dating to write about what action you are taking, who you are meeting and how they treat you so you can see the forest from the trees. Sometimes it helps to have a trainer or work out buddy when trying to lose weight. Likewise, it can help to have single friends to go out with or a dating coach to help keep you on track.
- When you get into it and enjoy the process it can be fun: Sometimes when you get used to hitting the gym and eating well you have fun in every moment because you know you are walking your talk and that makes you feel good about yourself. Similarly, in dating you can begin to enjoy meeting new people, going new places and having interesting varied experiences, even if you don’t achieve your end goal for a while. When you learn how to embrace and enjoy the process it makes it all so much easier.
I hope you enjoy dating and remember how beautiful you are, inside and out. If you need more guidance on dating you can pick up my book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ on Amazon here, or check out my articles on social media or contact me for dating or life coaching.
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, dating coach and author of the upcoming, “The Book of Sacred Baths,” published by Llewellyn. It includes baths that you can take to improve your love life, attract a mate, improve your self-esteem, health, body-image and more. You can pre-order it here. She is also the author of “Dating from the Inside Out,” published by Atria Books, and 18 others. An expert in JDate’s JMag, Eligible Magazine and Digital Romance, she’s been a guest on television shows like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio expert on the Curtis Sliwa show, Pathways, NPR’s Cityscape and others. Dr. Sherman was quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Crains, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro newspapers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Men’s Health, New York Magazine, Web MD, Everyday Health, Complete Woman magazines, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. She has a psychotherapy practice in Manhattan and does life and relationship coaching internationally by phone.